More Little House

In the continuing saga of Bungalow Bill, we offer another before photo. This Joo cannot wait to restore this puppy.

STOP

in the name of The Law.

Bukkake

Dear M:

I will be blowing this photo up and rendering it in 3D (a la Will I Am during the presidential election coverage on TV) for your high school open house. Consider this payback for the migraines.

Love,

Mama Joo

Color Joo Badd

Bad Joo has done it again.


Much like the eighth grade when her genetic inability to style her own hair caused her to have not one, not two, but fourteen thousand retakes, the results of which were too horrible to publish in the yearbook, Bad Joo has gone wrong. In her hair. All up in her hair.

The Bad Joo has no ability to plan for future events and should, in fact, be placed in a home for special adults. Still, the Bad Joo somehow managed to marry, purchase a home, and live in the "normal" world. Bad Joo is therefore allowed to mingle with the normals. So we get things like Exhibit BADD:

On a sidenote, Bad Joo would like to know why her hair always looks burgundy on the internettes, when it is in fact naturally brown, brown as shit (and unsullied by chemicals as of this writing).

Exhibit Badd happened because Bad Joo could not plan ahead for the holiday season and therefore called her stylist to schedule an appointment on the day they were closing for a merry fuceing two weeks. So, BJ called a new salon and was treated to this hair. See below Exhibit BADD 2. Note the Pollyanna curl:

Were this Joo a normal, functioning adult, she would have asked the new stylist how long she had (a) worked as a stylist (b) let alone at that salon BEFORE THE SCISSORS OF DEATH TOUCHED THE BANGS, but this Joo is not a normal, functioning adult. She did not, therefore, find out until AFTER THE SCISSORS OF DEATH OPENED THEIR SLIMY MAW AND CLAMPED DOWN ON THE BANGS, which had heretofore been growing out in a quiet and stately manner.

This really would not be so bad (hair grows out, afterall) were it not for the following fun factoids:

(1) Bad Joo leaves for foreign lands on Tuesday for to visit the foreigner's family. Despite three happy years of marriage, BJ is convinced that one of these days the foreign fam' will become wise to her inferiority and talk the dirty foreigner out of their marriage. BADD hair does not help to appease this fear.

(2) Bad Joo is from time to time gently teased by Good Joo and called "Alternateen." In all fairness, this teasing is justified, since BJ used to listen to Pretty Hate Machine, romp in cemeteries, and dress the infant Joo brother up like Robert Smith (replete with lipstick) then photograph him. Still, this BADD hair insures that the Alternateen teasing will recommence with a vengeance.

While this Joo is preparing for all of the atrocities to come as a result of the Badd hair (including Badd Joo's boss, who is incapable of saying anything nice when one looks bad), this Joo hopes she will, by some Christmas miracle, learn her lesson this time, once and for all.

Color this one very Badd, very Sadd Joo.

As We Continue Our Forced Gay-Free Interlude

Please ponder this little gem from the Twoo Jooo Archives.

As for comments, we'll get you started:

1. Is Baby Bad Joo having diarrhea over the crevasse?

2. Hair clip?

Note de Joo: The Joos can only assume that the Guest Gay has gone into hiding following the announcement that Warren will be praying and shit at the inauguration.

Bad Photo Interlude

Whilst the Joos (and the internet) wait for the Guest Gay to pull his thumb out of his you-know-what (read: shitter) and get to blogging, please enjoy the above bad photo.

Now, before anyone calls the ASPCA or CPA or CDC or VH1, please note that this photo was taken in 1976; and, while that doesn't excuse or even explain the lit cigarette in the baby Bad Joo's mouth, it does mean it's too late to do anything aboot it. This explains so very, very much.

Note de Joo: MDH insists that, although it very much appears to be lit, the cigarette in this photo is, in fact, not lit.

This

is a walkman. And given the delighted look on the baby Bad Joo's face, a fairly new one at that. The first reader to come closest to guessing the weight of said walkman (when fully batteried and Thriller'ed up, of course) will win a prize.

Introducing the Twoo Joos

That's right, motherfuceurs. One of the perks of eating green jello at the house of Joo is that you get to come back with loads of phan-phecking-tastic photos. In this particular shot, the Joos are fond of so many aspects of the composition. Can you gentle readers help point them out? The Joos will get you started:

1. Bad Joo appears to be crushing a small bird in her hands (die, motherfuceur, die).

Note de Joos: Copyright in this photo is owned by Olan Mills. This photo has been posted without Olan Mills' permission. Dear Olan Mills, we will take this down if you like, but don't you think it's pretty good advertising?