Charmed

A-hot shit even at 8 months

Recently A has dropped some serious bombs about her mom while out and about in the world.

While putting on boots at school, A was heard sighing and announcing to no one really that "you just got to put B on the boob." Nice. And true.


Last week the doctor asked A if she knew what diarrhea was. He described how it's just when you have way too much poop. A announced that her mom has diarrhea all the time. Neat. Sometimes true.


Today when GJ picked A up from school, she was informed that A talked about B during circle time. So cute. And that she explained that B came out of her mom's hoo. Awesome. And true. When GJ was told this her response was "Well, I didn't have a C-section."


This did not disturb her teacher, as she kicks ass. And this is why GJ's hubby continues to pay the absurd tuition...

Product Liability

The Bad, Old Joo has been having a senseless outbreak of the eczema, which is driving her mad. Mad, she tells you. Naturally, when BOJ itches, she reaches for some hydrocortisone anti-itch ointment. Not mad, you say? Certainly not.



Except that in this litigious age, hydrocortisone anti-itch ointment bears the following warning, amongst others:



Do not put directly into the rectum by using fingers or any mechanical device or applicator.



Someone needs to hire an attorney for this manufacturer. This Joo may be silly, but she believes this means that one could insert the ointment into one's rectum using a hydraulic lift, or chemical propellant.

Fan Mail.

ow

Guest Gay Resurfaces

To begin, I would like to apologize to both Old Joo and New Joo (more on that later) for my tardiness. I was truly honoured (pompous spelling noted and intended) to be asked to blog a li'l, but I was completely unprepared for the responsibilities involved as I find that my good, 2am gay bar-dwelling name has been sullied on this blog. As I'm sure you're both horribly sorry for making me appear as a cyber-slacker, rest assured that I forgive you both and no further legal action will be taken. On with my rambling...

I've known both Joos for, good Lord, 20 years? The entire "Joo" thing has always escaped me. Therefore, this and my subsequent posts will follow the following naming convention: Good Joo = New Joo and Bad Joo = Old Joo. I would like to point out that these names have absolutely nothing to do with age or individual tiredness and/or sexiness.

In my years of being Joo-friendly, I have learned a few things:

1: Old Joo drives too fast. As a young, lithe, attractive male, I was afraid that we'd crash and my money-making face would be damaged. Of course, the only way to die is to be going 90 on the expressway whilst scream along with NIN or Janes Addiction with the one you love. "If a 10 ton truck..." nevermind.

2: New Joo makes me feel old...at every turn. How does a 12 year old get married and have 2 kids? Sure, it's Michigan, but it's not like it Arkansas (Apologies to any hillbilly bastards hailing from the great state of Banjos. I think that should be on their license plates: Keep Your Hands Off My Banjo. I digress...)

3: When meeting the mother of all things Joo (Queen Joo?), have a clean-shaven face and trimmed fingernails. I adore this woman, but she's truly a dead skin nazi and will call you out at family BBQs. Of course, I may have called attention to myself dressed in black and ox blood DMs at a Michigan BBQ in June. Still. Scary.

4: New Joo makes amazingly beautiful kids. Bring 'em out to Hollyweird and I'll make them stars. I swear.

5: The horse statues? Don't ask. Let me know if you figure it out. I have no idea.

6:Did I mention that I adore Queen Joo? I just want to make sure that she's happy with me.

I understand that this should run longer and more entertaining after my lapse, but I'm running dry. Yes, that means something, but I'm not going to tell you unless you buy me dinner and tickets to a show. What do you think I am?

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME

The Bad Joo's gay swears by all things homo that he will post today. If he does not, by the powers of Grayskull, this Joo will disown his homo hide.

A Tale of Two Sisters

This past weekend was one of much joy, as Good Joo and her fambly made the trek up to Bad Joo's for a little visit. Already, the Good Joo fambly is much missed.

As usual, A charmed every breathing human being within a fifteen mile radius with such tidbits as the following.

(Open curtain. A and BJ are playing with model horses.)

A: Aunt Joo, what's your horse's name?

BJ: Caroline. What's your horse's name?

A: Filly Walking Trissity.

BJ: Oh, that's a lovely name.

(Much neighing, prancing, trotting, cantering, and running from dangerous, imaginary mountain lions ensues).

MUCH LATER

A: Aunt Joo, this is Filly Walking Trissity's sister.

BJ: And what's Filly Walking Trissity's sister's name?

A: Lec Trissity.

FIN

Shut Up

Sometimes when A drives GJ crazy...like when A feeds Lu her dinner, she looks at this picture. Because it's awesome and makes GJ laugh. And there just aren't enough laughs lately.