Friday, April 16, 2010


Good Joo has spent much of the last month being very anxious about numerous things. This isn't really anything new, but it seems to have hit GJ hard recently. Perhaps it's A getting beaten up by neighborhood kids, or A getting into the one supposedly good public school after GJ and hubby just forked over $6000 for private school. Maybe it's the drama about where to put the new baby (a girl by the by), or how plans NEVER seem to work out. Perhaps it's GJ's hubby randomly questioning "so are we gonna do it" during a serious conversation about that fact that GJ ate an ENTIRE box of Lucky Charms in 24 hours. Oh and 5 oatmeal cream pies. And a Coke. Maybe it's the fact that GJ HATES her newly reupholstered Pottery Barn chair. Hates it. Or perhaps it's the fact that GJ's basement looks like something out of Haiti. The promise that the new baby is going to ruin our current EVERYONE is sleeping through the night in their own room excitement. That GJ will have two kids in diapers. So there.

Friday, April 2, 2010

INVINCIBLE or Something Like It

Bad Joo is, as the Italians say, fragile. So fragile, that motherhood is causing her weenie little wrists to bow oot like a kid with a bad case of rickets, if rickets affected only the left wrist; and passers-by regularly offer to accompany her home to the adult foster center.

Because of this pathetic weakness, Bad Joo suffered broken wrists and all manner of other joint injuries in her youth, much to the chagrin of Good Joo. You see, Good Joo always wanted a broken arm. And a retainer. Sure, the retainer was easy enough. Watermelon Jolly Rancher? Check. Paper clip? Check. One instant retainer. The broken arm, however, was a whole other animal. And it was a much coveted animal.

Perhaps it was the golden draw of the arm sling, but for years Good Joo tried to break her arm by slamming it in car doors, bedroom doors, refrigerator doors, hitting it with a hammer, and asking people and heavy draft animals to jump upon it. This Joo is not making this shit up, except maybe the part aboot the beasts of burden. And the amazing thing is that IT NEVER WORKED. She never broke a mother fuceing thing.

And so, this Joo reminds that Joo that despite the fact that this pregnancy is wearing her like a bad suit, she will get through it. She's strong like that. INVINCIBLE EVEN. Or something like it.