Tuesday, August 25, 2009

It is BJ's fault

Other than the fact that C has a penis (confirmed via ultrasound yesterday), everything is BJ's fault.

BJ did take off for la la france-in-your-pants for an extended stay, leaving GJ and co. without much to do.

BJ did also fail to remember to bring her camera back from Surrenderland, thereby finding herself without any photos to post on this here blog,

which would've been okay, except that BJ also somehow entrusted the ultrasound photo disc to THE DIRTY FOREIGNER, who may or may not have burned some counterfeit war game on it, and there are therefore no photos of the penis-ridden fetus hereon.

So, Bad Joo has jack shit. And she can't tile. Nor can she sew. Not even w/ curse words and twenty hours of pipsqueakless house. Good Joo, you are the epitome of woman. Hear you motherfecking roar. Post some more photos of that adorable fambly of yours.

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Not Good Joo's Fault

You know if happens every few months. Bad Joo trots off to la la Francie in your Pancie and Good Joo is stuck with nothing to talk about. In Good Joo's forced Bad Joo interlude she managed to tile her back splash with new BFF and make B a new skirt. The tiling was strangely way easier than the skirt, which was entitled "Girly Skirt" on the pattern. This is bullshit. The name of the pattern should have been "Take a Xanax and a few anti-psychotics and then sew for 12 hours even though I'm claiming it will take 1 hour". GJ's hubby just sat with the girls for several hours looking frightened, and concerned for his darling wife's sanity.

It took her how long to make this piece of shit?

Anywho...the skirt finally got finished and from a distance is pretty hot. Upon closer inspection a reader might note that at one point GJ sewed the hem to the waistband in the smallest stitch possible. This to the non sewers means it was a complete and total bitch to get out. Other things GJ has been doing are retaining 3 vases from IKEA that she was supposed to buy and give to Guest Krunk's ho. Alas...they are too cute and GJ is keeping them. Oh and also...A had her first day of school today.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Burning Down the House

Ahhh...once again GJ received a credit card bill with $550 worth of Dave Matthews Band tickets on it. This is a yearly purchase for GJ's hubby, which ALWAYS results in GJ freaking out, spazzing out, swearing, threatening divorce, etc. GJ's hubby either doesn't care about losing his precious, darling, irreplaceable wife or he just loves DMB so much that he can't help himself. GJ is choosing to believe the latter based on the amount of DMB on our computer. Really? Really? Do you really need 14 different versions of "Don't Drink the Water"...all from different concerts? Of course you do. Silly GJ. Anyway...every year there is always this big ass drama about who is going to the concerts (all three in one week and none of them in the Fart). Now keep in mind that GJ hubby NEVER informs GJ of the upcoming concerts until the week of. Then GJ is all like WHAT WHAT WHAT WHO IS GOING TO WATCH THE KIDS I DON'T WANT TO GO I HATE A CONCERT I HATE YOU FOR SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON DMB (takes a breath) GIVE THEM ALL TO GOOD JEW I DON'T CARE I CAN'T TAKE IT WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED. For the past two years the hubby has ended up with A as one of his concert partners. This pleases them both greatly and has saved our marriage for two of the nights. GJ, however, was stuck going to the concert on Saturday night. After much flailing around and claiming the kids were sick or that she was sick, GJ just gave up and went. And...surprisingly...it was fun. Mostly because of the two chicks sitting in front of us, but also because GJ hubby had such a good time (and let GJ run into Anthropologie on the way down). The arrival home at 2am was not fun, but sleeping in until 11am was.