Tuesday, January 12, 2010


One of the more appalling things that GJ has done recently is to download several Taylor Swift songs from iTunes. Clearly this is something that should be blamed on the Fart. Seriously. How gross, but GJ cannot get enough of it. Do you want GJ to kill you or do you just want to kill her? For some reason GJ finds it to be good workout music. Sick. Really when your heart rate is at 183 and you may or may not die of cardiac arrest why wouldn't you want to sing about being fifteen and having someone tell you they love you? That's some stoopid shit. Speaking about working out GJ has made it through several more episodes with the trainer...minus the barfing and shitting. You're proud. Off to eat taco bell and drink the dew.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Mail Call

A concerned reader writes:

Dear Bad Joo:

Was your baby born without eyes, or did you just superglue his lids shut because you're a bad mom?

With interest,

Tess in Texarkana

Dear Tess:

I'm glad you asked. In fact, M does have eyes, and I rarely seal them shut, although I would if something horrid happen, like if Fox News took over my television and I couldn't turn it off. The proof is in the above pudding.

Thanks for reading!

Bad Joo

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Dear M:

I will be blowing this photo up and rendering it in 3D (a la Will I Am during the presidential election coverage on TV) for your high school open house. Consider this payback for the migraines.


Mama Joo

Friday, January 8, 2010

Dazzle Horn

Oh B. You are such a dazzle horn. At 15 months you are a bigger dick then your mom, dad, and sister combined. You spend a lot of time being pissed about things, but it really is quite cute. You love Elmo, your babies, books, being outside, going to the Y, and touching your mom at all times. Your current vocabulary consists of: hi, bye, mom, dada, A, waffle, warm, no, no, no, Elmo, and pretty much anything else you copy from your mom.

No Pussy

GJ's hubby is no pussy. He spent part of his holiday vacay getting some tattoos. GJ does not feel the need to explain the significance. That's hot shit.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy Joo Day, Joo

Happy anniversary of your birth, o' fair-haired one. Happy birthday to the world's most awesome mother, sister, and friend. May the Mountain Dew flow with abandon and the Taco Bell be carried to your lips by well-oiled, tanned, muscular, and exceptionally tidy pool boys on this, the anniversary of the day you were born.

Now get your ass back up here if you want your present. I'm not driving down there with my crotch all up in flames and milk leaking out of every pore.


Bad Joo