Thursday, July 8, 2010


Good Joo is switching from the third person as well. "Call PETA" was the subject on my latest email from Bad Joo. Certainly it has something to do with the abuse of the albino whale beached in a swimming pool, but I am not certain. I have given up on trying to be somewhat attractive at the neighborhood pool and have donned a bikini for the first time in a long time. I won't lie. People stare. I don't care. My stomach was so white and startling that something had to be done. It's not a good look what with the belly button scar from surgery and that damn college belly button ring, but c'est la vie. The less clothing on my body the better. I'm at the point where everything feels tight and being naked is the best bet except for the whole dealing with the husband thing. At least he thinks I'm hot. In other news A has gone from a darling 5 year old to a complete and utter asstastic 16 year old. The transformation has been incredible and traumatizing. B remains a dick and has taken to throwing things, pulling A's hair out, kicking A and only eating broccoli salad with an entire bottle of Ranch on it. I had a 3 day hospital stay for kidney stones, which is worthy of its own post. I have been told by my nutritionist to gain ONLY 1/2 lb. more this pregnancy. Obviously this caused me to laugh hysterically, spraying her with a large mouthful of Coke and Poptart crumbs. One of her many suggestions was to put cottage cheese on bread, sprinkle it with cinnamon and Splenda and then put it in the toaster oven. IT'S LIKE A DANISH! Except it's not and that is disgusting and no one owns toaster ovens anymore. Keep in mind she has a bouffant and goes to Jazzercize.


  1. a. You look fab and I'm angry about the lack of stretch marks
    b. your nutritionist is an ass...splenda is not food...and if I want something to be LIKE a danish I want a danish. Otherwise I eat fruit and veg and call it healthy and then hide in a closet away from my kids and drink Coke.

  2. Uhhhh...I own a toaster oven! I would like to say that it has a stainless steel finish ...therefore, making it cool! You can come over and use it to make your freakin' faux danish anytime!!

  3. When I get down there, I am going to fire your nutritionist. And your OB, while I'm at it. I am SURE!

  4. Bah. You look 100x better than any of the nasty folks I saw wandering around butt ass naked on a nude beach this weekend. Screw the haters.

    And seriously, whoever thought of putting cottage cheese on bread, sprinkling it with cinnamon and Splenda, and then putting it into a toaster oven is completely fucking insane. That's just wrong.

  5. I have to say you look MUCH hotter than others at the neighborhood pool! Keep up the "healthy" eating.