Uno

Happy first birthday to this Joo's one and only. I'm so overwhelmed by the enormity of how much I love you, I have nothing further to say.

The Money Pit

So, we did it. We finally closed on the Little Bungalow That Could(nt), and sold our current house. Smooth sailing from now on, right?

LE WRONG.

We apparently transformed into a very continental Tom Hanks and a darker haired Shelly Long, for we today learned that the house is in fact CRUMBLING. Ish. It seems that the bowed sidewalls that everyone (and by everyone, I of course mean the FHA Appraiser, Consultant, and Contractors) assured us were going nowhere are in fact about ready to break due to the improperly supported weight of the roof. And one of the neighbors tried to tell me this early on in the process, but this Joo ignored him, choosing instead to believe a bunch of licensed professionals.

And I would've blindly gone on their bad advice, had a certain city inspector (whom I regretfully referred to as an incompetent, alarmist ass - sorry, Boris, or Yuri, or whatever the fuck your name is) halted work on the project, citing irreconcilable differences with the roof system.

So now we wait. We wait while an adorable little structural engineer calculates forces and tolerances and tells us what we need to do to stabilize the structure and properly support it. Until that time, we cannot even begin to reroof the little bungie. *le sigh*

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU. Or not. We're still delighted to be rehabilitating our dream house.

It's really going to happen. I think.

So, for those of you keeping score at home, we have not yet closed on the little house that could. We have, in the meantime, sold our present house, and signed reams and reams and reams of paperwork. Alas, no closing yet.

This is still because we're getting a federally subsidized rehab loan for the little house that could. And, as a result, the lender is being pickier than a migrant worker in a peach orchard. FOR EXAMPLE, as we near our closing deadline, despite the fact that Bad Joo is paid THE SAME AMOUNT EVERY PAY PERIOD, the lender is requiring proof of deposit and check stubs for each salary deposit. Unimpressed? How 'bout 'dis one: we have the money for our down payment in one account (call it Account X), but we'll be paying the down payment out of Account Y. Therefore, in FHA Lender Land, we must show not only the long standing funds in account X, but also the balance in account Y, AND THE TRANSFER OF FUNDS FROM X TO Y LEST WE SECRETLY USE DRUG MONEY INSTEAD.

Fuck me.

We're supposed to close by the 15th.