"I'm Not Finished"

As Edward Scissorhands famously said to the Avon lady who discovered him, the little house is not yet finished. But we're getting there. Really.

This has been an eye-opening experience. In the course of rehabbing the little house, this Joo has learned all kinds of things that she, the experienced bungalow drooler, did not know. For instance, didst thou know that unglazed porcelain hex tile still exists? It does. And it's not too expensive from your local big box tile store. Didst thou know that a vintage wall sink from the 1930's can be had at a salvage yard in the Midwest for around $15? It can. Also, red oak floors simply coated with oil-based polyurethane turn the color of red oak floors covered with varnish 100 years ago. TRUE STORY.

All this and much, much more await this Joo in the Little House That Could. Move-in is scheduled for March 26. NO FOOLING.

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Dance Hall Days, Love

Thanks to Past Perfect, historic preservation consultants, I tracked down the above article, written during the construction of the little bungalow in 1910 and published in the local paper. This article confirms that the little bungie is not a kit house, but rather constructed and planned by a local builder.

While this is very cool, perhaps what is most cool is the description of the second floor, "...the second story is left entire, to be used as a gymnasium, dance hall, or anything else that the owners may desire." Take your baby by the hand indeed!

Jooapalooza Day 1

M and Little Ju's wardrobes are provided by Pewabic Pottery, Detroit, Michigan.

Jooapalooza

The brainchild of Joos' Addiction (to hardware), the first annual Jooapalooza is scheduled for next weekend. Jooapalooza attendees can expect a tour of Pewabic Pottery in Detroit, shopping for hardware for the little bungie that could, and much, much more. Sorry, folks. Jooapalooza is open to nursing Joos and their nursing babies only. And, yes, I'm still nursing M. STOP ASKING ME THAT. WHY IS EVERYONE SO OBSESSED WITH MY BOOBS?

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Kitty Kitty Kitty?

Having seen a few bungies nearly identical to the little bungie that could(n't), this Joo had been trying to find plans for a kit house that match. While it's possible this was just a builder's designed that was re-used, this Joo suspects otherwise. Anyone out there in cyberland a kit house expert? Can you play the memory game with this house? Rumor has it the LBTC was built in 1915, although that date has not been verified by this Joo. The layout is: entry, then right to living room, straight back to dining, then kitchen (half of which could've been a porch at one time). On the left are two beds, a small bath, and a hall leading to the upstairs.

INQUIRING JOOS WANNA KNOW.

El Peso Pit-o

Being a jet-setter has its disadvantages, namely, this Joo can't recall how up-to-speed the Internettes are on Mrs. Blandjoo's Dream House. Demolition has been completed, and the worker bees are busy reinforcing the attic so the whole thing doesn't fall on this Joo's head. The good news is that work is progressing. The bad news is that the demolition uncovered still more work that lies ahead. Therefore, it looks as if this Joo will be not be living in the Little Bungalow That Could(n't) until April at the very latest.

In other news, Good Joos kidneys continue to revolt, and it looks as though she will again be going under the knife. For what? These Joos know not. When? These Joos know not. Perhaps this surgery has something to do with Good Joo's super secret dick http://youlllearntokeephouse.blogspot.com/2009/10/joos-dick.html . Perhaps not. Stay tuned for the next installment to find out.

The Money Pit

So, we did it. We finally closed on the Little Bungalow That Could(nt), and sold our current house. Smooth sailing from now on, right?

LE WRONG.

We apparently transformed into a very continental Tom Hanks and a darker haired Shelly Long, for we today learned that the house is in fact CRUMBLING. Ish. It seems that the bowed sidewalls that everyone (and by everyone, I of course mean the FHA Appraiser, Consultant, and Contractors) assured us were going nowhere are in fact about ready to break due to the improperly supported weight of the roof. And one of the neighbors tried to tell me this early on in the process, but this Joo ignored him, choosing instead to believe a bunch of licensed professionals.

And I would've blindly gone on their bad advice, had a certain city inspector (whom I regretfully referred to as an incompetent, alarmist ass - sorry, Boris, or Yuri, or whatever the fuck your name is) halted work on the project, citing irreconcilable differences with the roof system.

So now we wait. We wait while an adorable little structural engineer calculates forces and tolerances and tells us what we need to do to stabilize the structure and properly support it. Until that time, we cannot even begin to reroof the little bungie. *le sigh*

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU. Or not. We're still delighted to be rehabilitating our dream house.

Shopping

Bad Joo snorts period reproduction fixtures like junkies blow blue. Some of her favorites can be found at such fine retailers as http://www.rejuvenation.com/ and http://www.schoolhouseelectric.com/.

Bad Joo particularly loves the skyscraper-esque majesty of Rejuvenation's above-pictured Echo fixture: http://www.rejuvenation.com/fixshowW372/templates/selection.phtml .

FHABULOUS

This Joo has just submitted what she hopes is a complete loan application to the mortgage company for the Little House. For those of you keeping track at home, from this point forward, it's supposed to take thirty days to close the puppy. Please cross your fingers, toes, nooks, and crannies for us.

More Little House

In the continuing saga of Bungalow Bill, we offer another before photo. This Joo cannot wait to restore this puppy.

The Little House That Couldn't, Apparently

So, this Joo is still in the process of purchasing the Little House That Could and is presently trying to close an FHA 203K Rehab Loan, or as the Pro's like to call it, an "Are You Fecking Kidding Me?" loan. For those of you not in the know, an FHA 203K Rehab Loan is a loan designed to allow home purchasers to borrow up to 110% of the value of a home at the time of purchase in order to make approved repairs and improvements to a home that will be their primary residence. Funds are disbursed directly to the contractors or homeowners making the repairs by the bank at various points throughout the rehab process.

Real Estate Agents and Mortgage Brokers fear the AYFKM loans, for they require a mountain of paperwork and certification taller and more evil than Mount Doom, and (this Joo is pretty sure) are underwritten only by Sauron. This Joo fears nothing. And so she perseveres. And it will happen, my pretties. This Joo and that dirty foreigner husband of hers will raise their child in the Little House That Could. ETA for our closing is 30 days.

The Little House That Could

Some people are addicted to booze. Others habitually tie off their arms with JCrew tie tourniquets and inject themselves with what the kids call "horse." Still others gamble. Bad Joo has a problem with old houses.

Bad Joo has dreamed since Bad Joo was a little Bad Joo of an adorable, historic bungalow. Since attaining adulthood, this dream has fleshed out, and Bad Joo compulsively shops her city streets for said bungalow. Until now.

Wait. Back up. Bad Joo has a few favorites, namely, a Japanese inspired bungalow on a certain park, a cottagey bungalow in a certain preppy city-lette; and Bad Joo's new bungalow. That's right. The one pictured in the previous post.

You see, sixteen years ago, when Bad Joo moved to Grand Bibleville, Bad Joo spotted this little number, and Bad Joo said, "I will have that house." And now she will.

Call it fate. Call it kismet. Claim that Jesus arranged it all 'twixt deciding who'd get into heaven (there are only 144,000 spots). Call it what you will, but a short time ago, Bad Joo and Mr. Bad Joo were driving aboot, and Bad Joo asked him to drive by this little number to see how she was doing.

And there was a motherfucking for sale sign in the window. Not a realtor sign. Not a fancy, shiny sign with a tube for flyers and bells and whistles. No. A little 8x10 Ace Hardware For Sale By Owner sign.

So Joo called. And found it was for sale for $ridiculouslylow,lowprice.00 . Because all of these sixteen years, the house was inhabited by a little ol' lady, who recently went to be with her Jesus. And the house is in a shambles. In ruins. And now it is Bad Joo's sworn duty to fix her back up.

Because, you see, she is the little house that could.



TO BE CORN-TINUED.