Five

Happy anniversary to my mail order husband, best friend, and fellow disdainer of so, so many. Je t'aime.

BAYBEEEEEEEEE!

Baby Ju was born today at 4:25. 7 pounds, 8 ounces. 20.5 inches long. Congratulations to Good Joo and her family!

I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.

Good Joo's about to lose control, and I think she likes it.

Good Joo is being admitted tonight to begin the process of evicting that bad ass baby. ENFUCKINGFIN.

Sisters are for making us bawl our eyes out.

I love you, Joo.

Grace Anne May 1, 1999 - August 16, 2010

When the rottenweiler sized hole in this Joo's heart closes up a smidge, she'll write more, but in the meantime, these Joos leave you with this:

A: Why are you crying?

GJ: Because Grace Anne went to heaven.

A: Already?

GJ: Yes.

A: But what is Bill doing?

GJ: Sitting on the couch, I guess.

Of All the Stupid Shit

I get the fall J. Crew catalog in the mail today. You know when I am about to birth and be a big, flubbery, gross, milk factory, dead hoo, sleepless, hot mess. How depressing. I just laid in bed with it (occasionally licking it) wondering how long it would take me to lose 500lbs of baby and 400lbs of fluid. A week?


I get a bill in the mail from one of my 10,000 renal ultrasounds. Ultrasound $218. Insurance coverage $3. My total $215. Awesome. Thanks. And since when is an ultrasound to determine if you are indeed going to die of kidney failure experimental? Shut up.


A going to vacation bible school. I know. I know. It was an act of desperation. And not in finding the Lord. In trying to let A have some semblance of fun this summer away from her mom who is a grouchy, psycho, fat pig. Poor A. On Tuesday I walked in to pick her up only to be greeted by the preacher yelling "WHO'S BEEN FOUND?" In panic mode I tried to locate A who was very busy screaming "ME ME ME ME ME" and dancing. Holy shit. I almost went into labor.

The fact that there is currently a kitten residing in our house. I needed one more thing to do.

The phone call I received from hubby announcing his intentions to travel to NYC the week I am to be induced. Really? I think that's an awesome plan.

My bladder is infected again. Mostly because my kidney stones are rotting and molding and curdling and whatever else kidney stones that won't leave your body do. I'm on antibiotics now until birth. If you need me I will be in bed itching my yeasty hoo with an SOS pad. And I could give two shits if that's too much info. Don't you want to come visit?

Joo Song

DO NOT steal the above design, as faboo as it is, for I will hunt you down and kill you with a machete. It is my own original work in which I reserve all rights. It is an ode to my Good Joo who, despite being grossly pregnant, having the kidney stones, the G.D., the G.H., the Huge.Ass.Baby.Up.In.There, and the two children on the outside, just called to offer to DRIVE TO BIBLE BELTVILLE to care for Bad Joo's beloved dying rottenweiler. This makes my heart swell with love, even though it is in a shit situation, hence the profoundly symbolic imagery.

I'm getting a job with Hallmark next week. I'll be designing their new "Just Because" line. You can all be fucking jealous.