Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Quitting Smoking Realistically

As previously indicated, Bad Joo recently quit smoking. The quitting of the smoking led the Bad Joo to murder, eviscerate, burn, and scatter the ashes of numerous innocents, including several children under the age of 3. Still, Bad Joo did it. She hasn't had a cigarette in five months. Five long, long, interminably long months. Five lonely, lonely months. Five months without the support and security of Joe Camel.

Bad Joo digresses.

Bad Joo quit the smoking using the nicotine lozenge. Still, it was hard. It was awful. It fellated donkeys. It was no good. Therefore, during the quitting of the smoking, Bad Joo searched desperately for help on the internet. Bad Joo found a lot of great articles, blogs, memoirs, and books about how tough it is to quit smoking. None of these were realistic. Most of them said, "Take a deep breath when the urge to smoke hits you." A deep breath is inadequate. Deep breaths did not save the innocents Bad Joo murdered.

Bad Joo has therefore decided to post from time to time about the real experience of quitting smoking. This is one such post, taken from her non-smokier's diary.

Day 1.

I can do this! Yes we can! Woo hoo! I won't smell like a Goth Boy's Datsun anymore, and I'll save money too! Yeah! Whooopeee!

Day 1.1

Must smoke. Please. Anything. Room growing dim. Will smoke carpet. Yes. We likes the carpet, doesn't we.

Day 1.2

I killed a man this morning. In cold blood. He was smoking outside my building, and I knocked him down, pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, shoved it in my va-voom (that doesn't count as smoking, does it?), and then stomped on his face. I feel no remorse.

Day 1.7

Purchased pack of cigarettes. Put all twenty in my mouth. Lit with blow torch. Inhaled. Vomited.


  1. Due to the content of the Joo and Joo blog, I am unable to fulfill my commitments as a mother/wife/writer. I am far too busy reading and trying to keep up with the Joos. I have a new addiction far better than smoking.
    On another note, if you need a good stop smoking book, Smoke and Mirrors by Cynthia Thorson and Richard Levine.

  2. I'm all about Smoke and Mirrors. I'll have to pick up a copy at Literary Life Book Store.

  3. Good thinking, they have a lot of great books at the Literary Life Bookstore. By the way congrats on your 5 month smoke freeversary. It'll be 1 year for me on New Years Day.