Nummy

Let's not beat around the bush...B has had a shitty day so GJ let her eat a marshmallow. Just because GJ let her fall out of the neighbor's toy car and split her head open does not mean that GJ is a bad momma. Eminem's momma is a bad momma. Just because GJ is making her wear Target brand diapers during the day does not make her a bad momma. So what that they leak pee all over. Just because GJ is spending all of B's 1st birthday money on A's tuition for next year does not make her a bad momma. With the cost of the tuition she can just dream about what a kick ass 1st bday it was going to be. Poor B. Being the second sucks sometimes.

Toot Toot

GJ felt bad posting such a homely pic of the Horn, so here are a few cuter ones. When you are sick in this house you get to eat whatever you want. Toot.

Bedazzler

B/Bedazzler/Johnny/Fatastic/Poo/Poo Dazzler will dazzle you with her mad piano skills...learned from her Aunt Bad Joo of course.

I Told You So

Sometimes the GJ's friend (Guest Krunker's ho) likes to make her do things. Like go to the library for story time. GJ tried to get out of it. GJ tried to warn the Krunker ho, but she didn't listen. So GJ, cute B, and grouchy A arrived at the downtown library (note this is a 25 min drive for GJ.) GJ not showered, very greasy, grouchy, and knowing damn well this would not be good, parked and made way into library. While on way into library the wheel of the stroller broke. Awesome.


So GJ got into library, and there was the Krunker ho, all showered and fresh and cute and skinny. This is some bullshit, thought GJ. A ran over, grabbed all the farm animals and proceeded to hoard them for the next 2 hours. She refused to play with anyone. One girl in particular was so devastated by the not sharing of the animals that she proceeded to give A the stink eye for 2 hours straight.


Then for some reason GJ and Krunker ho decided that they should have lunch with the bitches (husbands). Also not a good plan. Why does ANYONE EVER THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO GO OUT TO EAT WITH KIDS? Why does ANYONE EVER THINK THAT JUST ONE TIME IT MIGHT WORK? GJ's bitch (husband) just looked at her. GJ's response..."Welcome to the hell that is my life." (chocolate milk flying in background, A neighing like a dying horse and possibly acting out the death, B crying, etc). Guest Krunker and ho just looking on while their son A-bomb acted all cute and nice.

Ears Be Damned...

Remember that video you have to watch before you leave the hospital with your newborn? Or is that just GJ and her hubby? Did they just sense that I was going to be the crazy mom? Anywho...it's all about how your newborn is NOT out to get you. They were wrong. B is out to get GJ. After months and months of ear infections, B was ear ache free for approximately 14 days. Now her ears hurt again. How does GJ know this? Well silly lambs...it's because when her ears hurt she has no love for the boob. She hates it. She screams at it. She smacks it around and tries to rip it off. She shoves it out of her face. She tries to put it back in GJ's bra. She bites it. Her head spins around. She gets so pissed she shits her pants or rips loud farts. It's awful. So today...GJ went to buy some formula. This angers GJ as her boobs are plenty good. Note B's large cheeks. However, GJ can only stand sooooooooooo much drama. Upon arriving home GJ was in the kitchen trying to determine how the hell to make a bottle, when B came running in, ripped the bottle out of her mom's hands, made the bottle, stuck it in her mouth, and did the humpty dance. Fine.

*Fantastic outfit from Good Jew

**The GJ cannot punctuate and no longer cares. All posts from now on will be in the style of the GJ. GJ is sick and tired of having to have BJ and hubby correct posts. Screw it. And screw you if you don't like it. I'm not a frickin' attorney who has to write memos all day.

Poo-Dazzle

GJ knows that BJ does not want this blog to be solely about GJ's kids, but GJ doesn't care. Once BJ left for La La France over GJ's birthday, GJ decided she would be running La La Show. So here is B. She is 4 months this week. She is on day 59 of a double ear infection and is still a better baby than A was. She weighs what A weighed at 10 months. She is huge. She is jolly. She goes by the following: B, B-dazzle, Poo, Poo-dazzle and Johnny. She loves the boob and yelling at her thumb.