Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ears Be Damned...

Remember that video you have to watch before you leave the hospital with your newborn? Or is that just GJ and her hubby? Did they just sense that I was going to be the crazy mom? Anywho...it's all about how your newborn is NOT out to get you. They were wrong. B is out to get GJ. After months and months of ear infections, B was ear ache free for approximately 14 days. Now her ears hurt again. How does GJ know this? Well silly lambs...it's because when her ears hurt she has no love for the boob. She hates it. She screams at it. She smacks it around and tries to rip it off. She shoves it out of her face. She tries to put it back in GJ's bra. She bites it. Her head spins around. She gets so pissed she shits her pants or rips loud farts. It's awful. So today...GJ went to buy some formula. This angers GJ as her boobs are plenty good. Note B's large cheeks. However, GJ can only stand sooooooooooo much drama. Upon arriving home GJ was in the kitchen trying to determine how the hell to make a bottle, when B came running in, ripped the bottle out of her mom's hands, made the bottle, stuck it in her mouth, and did the humpty dance. Fine.
*Fantastic outfit from Good Jew
**The GJ cannot punctuate and no longer cares. All posts from now on will be in the style of the GJ. GJ is sick and tired of having to have BJ and hubby correct posts. Screw it. And screw you if you don't like it. I'm not a frickin' attorney who has to write memos all day.


  1. This Joo thinks that B is too young to be doing the humpty (oh, do me, bay-B)...!,*?"".

  2. the humpty dance is my all time favorite song. i had it on our list of must play songs at our wedding reception, no shit.

  3. Write memos all day my ass. Everytime I'm up in the Legal department I see everyone shoving their faces with martinis and talking about "the poors". Of course, once they notice me they all act sober and use fancy legal words like "functionality" and "prospectus", but I'm onto them.

    Krunk Out.

  4. I had ear tubes seven times. The ear/nose/throat guy in the fishing tie wanted to give them to me again at the age of 28. I did the mature thing and never went back. It's been three years. She could go in my place, she looks just like me...

  5. seriously. do attorneys EVER work? not so much. they just run around at lunch for 15 hours with the garmin. making out with it. talking dirty to it. sweating all over it. the humpty dance is the shit. especially with a big ass bottle in your mouth. i'm curious that the bedazzler looks like a 28 year old. and i am 32 and had a double ear infection 3 weeks ago...maybe we're related.