Sunday, December 7, 2008

"Table for two?"

, says the maitre d' as he motions towards Good Joo's ass. That's right, readers. It's time the Joos give it to you straight. Good Joo's ass has become a table. A board. Pull-up-a-chair-and-have-a-cup-of-tea. It's not cute, and it's definitely not hot. Good Joo squats and lunges with 10,000 lb. weights. It does no good. It was hot in high school. It was maybe hot for the first year of college. Maybe. It is no more.
Good Joo's husband still likes the ass, but this doesn't matter. Even if Obama liked the ass, it would be no consolation. Good Joo's jeans are droopy in the butt and tight in the waist. Good Joo can't shake it on the dance floor. She can't dance like Beyonce anymore. It would be a disgrace.
This butt recession has been troubling Good Joo for some time. So, for some time, Good Joo has been polling her friends, family, and peers, hoping that one amongst them might have a solution to this freshly-pressed ass ("Oh, just increase the Vitamin Z in your diet. You're just deficient in Vitamin Z!") Not only has this not been the case, but the last time Good Joo bitched about it to MDH, she exclaimed, "Our butts are cute. You wouldn't want a fat butt!" This comment is wrong in two ways.

1. "Our butts" implies that Good Joo's ass is becoming an exact replica of MDH's, which is not only completely unacceptable, but unfaceable.

2. Good Joo would want a fat ass.

In fact, all this Joo wants for CHRISTmas (because in Ft. Gay you put the CHRIST back in Christmas) is a giant, juicy, shake it in your face, knock people out with it, J.Lo Bad Joo's.
Special Responsive Note de Bad Joo à Good Joo: one word: assne.


  1. I too am suffering from postpartum flattening of the ass. With each child I bear my ass gets flatter. How do you think my Puerto Rican cousins react? At least Fair Joo you don't have to keep up appearances for the sake of your heritage. How can I even claim Puerto Rican if my ass says otherwise? I say screw the J Lo dreams and embrace the motherhood ass.

  2. Ladies, I have personally observed both asses in their natural habitat and do not feel that either is flat.


    Bad Joo